so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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