Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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