OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
