I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
