Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
