No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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