Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
