So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
