But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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