he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
