how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
