I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Randomize
