I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
And then he peed in my hair
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