we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
