If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
