stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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