I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
