What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
