She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
