i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
not ubering you a puppy
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
