never play flip cup with pint glasses
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
