a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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