Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
