I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize