Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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