Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
