my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
