I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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