Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
