she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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