the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize