I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We had to coat check the pizza.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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