Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
