youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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