Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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