If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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