If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
