That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Too much gin, very little bucket
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
