I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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