Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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