I need to stop coming to work sober
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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