I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
