I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
