walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
