Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
