Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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