Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
