i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
