You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
