Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
im six kinds of drunk right now
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
