you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
