I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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