It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
