How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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