I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
