you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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