chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
