it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
