just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
