Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
