Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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