i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
