i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
