textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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